


the opposite of entropy

by lilithiumwords



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, YOI Sci-Fi Zine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-19 14:27:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18136943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilithiumwords/pseuds/lilithiumwords
Summary: I will love you past the heat death of the universe.





	the opposite of entropy

**Author's Note:**

> This is my piece for the [Improbable Possibilities](https://yoiscifizine.tumblr.com/) zine, a YOI sci-fi zine. I collaborated with [Ayabai](https://twitter.com/ayabaiii), who created the fantastic art you'll find within the story, and I hope you will check out her other art! Thank you so much to Aya, the wonderful mod team, and the amazing contributors to the zine, for letting me be part of such an awesome project!

_i have loved you in the space between your heart and mine_  
_within time i have sought you over and over_  
_forever more, or never again_  
_as long as we can be, we can love one another_  
_and even when our atoms disintegrate_  
_our hands touching, our lips pressed together_  
_i will love you even then_  
_i will love you..._

~*~

Viktor holds his husband's hand tightly, lips pressed to the cold fingers. The ring he gave him years ago glints in the candlelight of his vigil, matching the same ring Viktor hasn't taken off since he first heard the news. The priest will be here soon, and Viktor will have to leave him for the last time.

Yuuri is wearing that horrible blue tie that Viktor hates but never got rid of, because he first met Yuuri when he was wearing that very tie. Out of all the ties in their closet, Viktor could have chosen any other tie, but as soon as he laid eyes on the blue silk, he had to put it on his husband. The light of his life, dancing with a glass of champagne in one hand and that tie hanging off his forehead... Viktor had fallen in love at first sight. Ever since, he had never let Yuuri go.

He didn't get to say good-bye. He never, ever wants to say it.

With trembling lips, he leans down to kiss his husband's forehead, his tears sliding down into dark locks, invisible. " _I will love you past the heat death of the universe, my Yuuri_."

For months after the accident, Dr. Viktor Nikiforov, astrophysicist and mathematician, is rarely seen outside his office. He barely speaks to his coworkers, instead throwing himself into his research. He cannot accept that Yuuri is gone.

He dreams of Yuuri every night. Yuuri laughing, smiling, holding onto him. Yuuri in figure skating costumes and lab coats and suits. His Yuuri was a programmer for a gaming company; he preferred sweatpants and t-shirts if he wasn't at work. Yuuri never even considered ice skating or ballet, so why is Viktor dreaming about him living other lives?

Viktor becomes obsessed with these visions. He begins to wonder about other worlds, other realities where Yuuri might still live. Viktor has always cared more about string theory, but one of his articles links to Max Tegmark, who proposed multiple universes. Viktor reads about him, and he wonders.

One of Tegmark's proposals is a thought experiment that one may never die, if the conditions are correct. One of his contemporaries even argued that a person can even become linked to all other realities, and that death is actually the transference between realities. Quantum suicide seems impossible, yet Viktor half-heartedly tries to calculate the possibility.

His calculations come back more consistent than he first thought. Viktor wonders, and then he tweaks his formulas. Each time, the numbers become a little more precise, a little more decisive, and wildly, Viktor starts to believe that Tegmark might have been _right_. That every time a decision is made -- down to the atomic level -- it changes the course of the universe, and somewhere, another universe is made simultaneously, with another result of the decision.

A thought experiment, for most people. For Viktor, the idea of a neverending universe takes on a new meaning.

_Yuuri might still be alive somewhere._

If Viktor could reach one of those universes, he could be with Yuuri again. A universe where that car turned left instead of right; a universe where Yuuri still walks and laughs and breathes and loves him. A universe where Viktor can protect him. Yet to break the laws of physics, just to reach out to somebody and take their hand...

Viktor was never one for impossibilities.

Viktor quits teaching and takes his considerable influence to Switzerland. He buries himself in research of the unknown, of power sources and proposed elements and secrets never released to the public. He learns of an odd little element, hassium, that doesn't exist naturally anywhere on Earth. Somehow, someone with a great deal of money managed to get their hands on a tiny portion to study.

Viktor does his calculations again, then considers.

Viktor has a great deal of money, too. He leaves Switzerland and travels to the Ural Mountains of Russia, where a facility had been built to oversee the study of meteorites that fell in that area several years ago. He bribes his way into the geological site of the meteor, then bribes several officials into looking the other way while he takes a tiny piece of the ore.

He pays one of his friends to refine the ore secretly. The result is a tiny dark gem of gleaming metal with flares of brightness, as if the universe itself is trying to break out. The hassium is more powerful than anything Viktor has ever touched before in his life, and yet the sight of it fills him with warmth. This, he can use.

As hassium cannot touch oxygen without severe consequences, Viktor commissions a special device that can house the hassium without hurting him, with a lead-infused glass bauble surrounded on either end by gold. The hassium gem is held in the center, its silvery glow a beacon to Viktor's heart. Every time Viktor presses the button on one end, oxygen will flood the chamber for an instant, enough to create a spark.

He doesn't bother with goodbyes. The world has long been cold to him since Yuuri left his side. This tiny device, meant to break through the laws of physics and the very matter of the universe, holds more value to him than the entirety of the world.

Viktor smiles, then presses the button.

Something breaks, and his world turns hot and cold at the same time, but only for an instant. He hears a strange little snap; then suddenly, Viktor is standing somewhere else, in a busy street full of people going to and from work. Nobody pays any attention to him, despite being a stranger that appeared out of nowhere, yet exhilaration fills Viktor, because he was _right_.

He was _right_ , and somewhere in this world, Yuuri waits for him.

He rushes into this new world, not caring for the differences he spots. He has no influence or money here, yet Viktor finds the information he seeks easily enough. The words on the screen leave him staggered with horror.

Yuuri is not here, and neither is Viktor. They were both lost in that accident.

_No._

Viktor presses the button again, breaking through the universe once more. A new reality awaits him, one with skyscrapers that rise past the clouds and floating cars. Viktor navigates this world easily enough, and he searches for Yuuri in computers that hover like light, his fingers tapping air where a keyboard should be.

Here, too, Yuuri is gone. Perhaps he never existed here; perhaps Viktor is too late.

_No._

Viktor tries again, and again. The hassium never loses power, yet Viktor grows more ragged each time he breaks into a new world, his white lab coat becoming frayed and his hair growing dull. He forces himself to eat and rest on occasion, sometimes too overwhelmed with grief to continue for a while, but always, he keeps moving forward. Each world becomes more fantastical as Viktor continues his search, yet he is blind to the beauty of the universe.

Just as he is blind to his effect on the thin threads holding the world together. Each time he moves into a new reality, he leaves behind a crack, and the cracks begin to widen the more he moves. This, Viktor does not notice until later -- too late, really.

Each reality holds another heartbreak, yet Viktor cannot let go. He will find Yuuri if it is the last thing he does.

~*~

Two years ago, Viktor bought a ridiculous clock that looked like a poodle and had a tail that wagged for every second. He hung it in the kitchen and affectionately called it the Makka clock. The sound can be heard anywhere in the house. Now, it is the only sound Yuuri can hear.

Yuuri sits alone in his living room, staring down at his hands in his lap. Each _tick tock_ drives the pain a little further into Yuuri's heart, reminding him of why the house is empty in the first place. Hours ago, his house was filled with people speaking in quiet tones, tissues dabbing at tears.

Yuuri has no tears left to shed. His heart died a week ago, and Yuuri hasn't bothered crying since then. Not since Viktor left him alone in this big house with only a clock to keep him company. He barely sleeps anymore, nor has he touched any of the food that his friends and family left for him. He doesn't care any longer.

Grimacing slightly, Yuuri stands and walks to the window that overlooks the front yard. He puts his hand to the glass, gazing past his solemn expression to the darkness outside. He thinks of how Viktor always loved to watch the stars, how he would stay up for hours with Yuuri on the roof, watching the night sky. 

He closes his eyes, as one last tear trickles down his cheek. " _I will love you past the heat death of the universe, my Vitya_." 

The stars twinkle at him mockingly. Yuuri imagines that sky breaking open, every star exploding in fiery destruction. The universe could end today and Yuuri would probably be happier, because he would rather disappear with the stars than face life without Viktor. If only he hadn't said those horrible words. If only Viktor hadn't left the house. If only that car had turned left instead of right.

If only, if only, if only. If only wishes could take back what was done. A reverse of everything could save him, yet time moves ever forward, stubborn and resistant to change. Yuuri wishes desperately that he could reverse everything -- go back in time to stop this from happening.

Maybe... he could.

Determination fills him. Yuuri didn't spend a decade in school, pushing himself past every one of his teachers' expectations, just to lose to a chance accident. He knows the theories. He knows his own limitations, and this is not one of them. For Viktor, Yuuri will break the laws of physics. He cares about nothing else in this universe -- only Viktor.

He throws himself into research. He reads about wormholes in space-time and the power of relativity, ruthlessly devouring articles and seminars about time travel. He breaks into NASA's databanks and steals their research. The equations point to a specific power source, one that hasn't been harnessed yet, but none of the researchers have gotten far enough in their studies. Yuuri has the time and will, unlike them.

All of Yuuri's time is spent running equation after equation to define the right source of energy. Something radioactive, capable of bursts of energy to power a small portal to another time, enough to transport one person. Yuuri only needs it to be once, so long as he can reach that moment before Viktor steps out the door.

He scours the world for power. His calculations point toward one of two different elements, one that is found everywhere on Earth, and one that is found nowhere on Earth. Given that time travel hasn't been achieved yet by other scientists, Yuuri focuses on the latter: hassium. The element has been created in laboratories but does not occur naturally on Earth, except in a meteorite that landed in the Ural Mountains several years ago. It suits his equations best, so Yuuri decides to use it.

Now all Yuuri needs to do is break into a highly protected government facility and steal it.

Grimly, he sets out to do just that. 

Soon Yuuri becomes the proud owner of a piece of raw hassium, carefully contained. He locks the tiny, glowing piece of metal into a chamber of leadened glass and gold, working day and night until his device is complete at last. The glow of the metal within the device matches his determination.

He has nothing left but to try. No one has spoken to him in months save his family, and Yuuri silently wishes them the best. If he is successful, he will see his family again, and he will no longer be broken and empty; no longer a failure of a husband. If he fails, they will live on without him regardless.

All that matters is saving Viktor. With nothing more than the clothes on his back and his determination, Yuuri presses the button.

The universe _twists_ around him, burning him and freezing him all at the same time. Yuuri realizes that this is _wrong_ when a portal does not appear, but everything around him changes anyway. His house with its poodle clock and empty rooms fades away, the world replacing itself with dilapidated streets and rundown cars, a haze of smoke on the horizon.

Yuuri falls to his feet in this new world, shocked at what he sees. This isn't his home; he doesn't even recognize this place. He cannot see a single person; only empty houses with broken windows and busted doors. He feels dizzy for a moment as he struggles to accept this new reality. If he didn't go back in time... where is he? _When_ is he?

A newspaper flutters on the ground nearby, and Yuuri scrambles to grab it, searching frantically for the date. The newspaper is Russian, his home newspaper, and the date is from a few weeks ago.

_No._

The headline on the front page reads, _WAR IMMINENT._ Even with his head buried in his research, Yuuri would have known about a war brewing with the rest of the world... so he must be in a different universe. Yet he hasn't gone back in time at all; he merely stepped sideways. Everything he worked for, _gone._ Wasted by a wrong calculation.

Yuuri kneels there for a long time, his shoulders trembling as he struggles not to cry. His Viktor is gone, and Yuuri is stuck in this empty place of death and war. He doesn't care about what happened to this world; all he cares about is Viktor.

Maybe... Viktor survived here?

The new thought pushes him to his feet, and Yuuri sets out walking through the empty town. He realizes that this is home after all when he recognizes his street, and he begins to run, racing toward the house he built together with Viktor. He finds it standing above the other destroyed homes, windows broken and the door knocked open. The pink Cadillac he always secretly loved sits in the driveway, its windshield shattered.

Scarcely daring to breathe, Yuuri creeps up to the doorway and peeks inside. His heart sinks when he sees two bodies wrapped around each other in the entryway. Seeing his own body is startling, but what hits him worse is Viktor's position, protective in his final embrace. They were kissing each other.

 _Our last kiss should not have been so quiet,_ he thinks.

He covers his mouth and stumbles out to the empty street. There he bows his head, giving in to the tears that burn his vision.

After too long a time, he notices a faint glow and looks down, finding the device still miraculously in his hands. The hassium inside the chamber has shifted slightly, but it remains resilient in the face of Yuuri's grief. Yuuri considers his calculations, then glances back at the empty house.

Then he closes his eyes and presses the button again.

The universe cracks open once more and tears him away. This time, Yuuri appears in a busy Japanese seaside town where cars hover instead of drive around, and on the nearest television is a picture of Viktor. Yuuri gasps and lurches forward, only to catch the tail end of the words.

"... _deceased, following the tragic loss of his husband_ \--"

_No._

No, Yuuri cannot stay here, either. He cannot accept a reality where Viktor is gone. Even if the device takes him sideways instead of backwards, surely somewhere, Viktor must be alive. Yuuri doesn't care whether his other self might be alive, too; just knowing Viktor is alive somewhere will be enough for him.

He presses the button once more and whirls away. The energy he leaves behind glows in the air where he stood, a tiny crack in the powerful substance of the universe. Yuuri never notices the trail of chaos he leaves behind him in every reality he breaks into, because in every reality, Viktor is gone.

So Yuuri keeps moving sideways into new worlds, and every time he does, another crack appears in the universe, slowly glowing brighter. Even if he noticed -- even if he _cared_ \-- Yuuri would not change his course. Let the universe burn around him if Viktor is no longer there. 

Each reality holds another heartbreak, yet Yuuri cannot let go. He will find Viktor if it is the last thing he does.

~*~

The last time Viktor uses the device leaves him standing in a barren wasteland. After Viktor phases through the icy heat and burning cold of the universe, he stumbles back, shocked by what he sees.

The sky has cracked open, while a void of black spirals in the distance, connecting to several cracks of darkness spreading through the sky. The stars have exploded, spreading across the sky with fire, while the world itself is empty. Viktor can see no sign of life beyond his own breaths. The air is frigid, as if the heat of the world has been sapped away, escaping into space for one last grasp at life. The sun is white-hot against the dark void of the stars, pulsing in time with the rest of the bursts of color.

Viktor realizes what he has done. His trips _sideways_ to find Yuuri have destroyed the delicate balance of reality, ripping atoms apart to the point that the universe can no longer continue. These past few realities, Viktor noticed that the world was changing, becoming more fragile in its chaos as if splitting at the seams, but he had not cared. Not a single world had held Yuuri, either gone before Viktor could save him or missing. Even the earth itself seems stretched to pieces, the last bit of atmosphere giving him enough air to breathe, but barely.

There is no one alive here. Perhaps the universe is fated to end after all -- but Viktor has to try one more time.

He presses the button, and the device shatters.

Viktor cries out in shock as the hassium bursts into light in his hands, scattering into the aether like dust. He tries desperately to grab the dust, but it fades away, as if it was never there. Around Viktor, the evidence of its power burns in the destruction of the stars and earth. He falls to his knees, clutching the mangled remains of his device, broken beyond repair.

_No._

No, he cannot give up here -- surely the universe would not be so cruel? Surely somewhere Yuuri is alive, waiting for Viktor with that sweet smile, calling his name with love. Why would the universe give him his soulmate only to take him away? What is the point?

Viktor does not care if the universe destroys itself. Let the world end, if he cannot have Yuuri.

So lost in his thoughts, sitting there in the dust beneath a crumbling sky, Viktor almost does not hear the noise behind him. A faint snap, familiar to his ears now, the sound of his transference through worlds. The sound of feet landing on solid ground, a soft gasp of shock.

He turns, and he stares.

"Vitya," Yuuri says, his voice trembling. Viktor does not believe his own eyes -- surely that cannot be Yuuri, in a white coat with a familiar-looking device in his hand? His Yuuri always wore sweatshirts and frumpy pants; he was not a scientist like Viktor. Yet this Yuuri stands before him looking just as Viktor does, ragged and thin and desperate.

"Yuuri?"

Viktor barely makes it to his feet before Yuuri barrels into him. Viktor catches him, and some part of him knows -- that this is not his Yuuri, that this is impossible, but this is Yuuri and Viktor _cannot believe he is here_ \--

"Vitya, it's you, it's really you," Yuuri sobs, and whether this is _his_ Yuuri or not, Viktor cannot resist the sound of his tears. He pulls Yuuri close and buries his face in his shoulder, breathing in his scent. "I've been searching so long..."

"Searching," Viktor whispers, realizing that this Yuuri must have searched just the same as him. "Yuuri... are you..." He pushes Yuuri back and takes his hands, turning them over to reveal a nearly identical device, with a faintly glowing piece of hassium. He stares down at the device, then lifts his head to stare at Yuuri, amazed that Yuuri can surprise him one last time.

"You are not my Yuuri, and I am not your Vitya. Yet you found me anyway."

"Eh? But you're..." Yuuri blinks away tears, staring in confusion, before understanding brightens his eyes.

Viktor lifts his hand to show off the broken pieces of his own device, smiling softly. "I am the same as you. Perhaps... you lost me, in your own world? So you broke the laws of physics to find me. I did the same, Yuuri."

Yuuri stares down at the broken device, then shakes his head and tosses his own device to the ground. Neither of them care when the device shatters, the glow of the hassium fading. He pulls Viktor close again. "It doesn't matter. I _found_ you. Even if it's the end of time... we found each other," he whispers, smiling through his tears.

Viktor cannot help but smile back, closing his eyes as he presses their foreheads together. He drops the pieces of his device and takes Yuuri into his arms, his voice catching with a sob. "I have been dreaming of you. I lost you..."

"I lost you, too. I yelled at you, and you walked out. You drove away -- you were so angry... and a car hit you." Yuuri cannot look away from Viktor, drinking in the sight of him with fragile love, and Viktor smiles helplessly. This Yuuri may not be the one he fell in love with him, but he is still _Yuuri_ , and Viktor loves him. "Even if you're not him, you're still Viktor. My Vitya."

"We were on our way to a party," Viktor murmurs. "A car lost control and hit you. I could not bear to live without you. My Yuuri... Out of all the possibilities of the universe, to have found you again means everything. I will never let you go."

They hold each other for a long time, until they hear a distant, terrible sound. Viktor and Yuuri look up to see the cracks in the sky widening, the pulsation of the universe stretching apart growing stronger, steadier.

"I don't want to let you go," Yuuri whispers, reaching up to cup Viktor's face in his hands. "I found you, so why can't I stay with you?"

"Then stay with me," Viktor begs him. "Through the end of everything. Stay in my arms until the very end, Yuuri. I will love you past..."

"...the heat death of the universe. Yes," Yuuri whispers, then leans in to kiss him deeply, pouring his love for Viktor into that connection, which Viktor returns with ferocity. The world trembles around them for a moment longer, too far gone to remain stable, yet even the very atoms of the universe itself try to hold on for just a moment longer.

They deserve that much.

Together, they make a single wish: _please, just one more time._

The universe ends as dramatically as it began, the earth and sun and stars vanishing into white. Atoms collide and separate, as time twists and untwists, the fabric of the universe itself tearing with a great, sorrowful wave. One by one, the stars blink out, the last vestiges of energy draining away into nothing. As it began, curled into one tiny form, everything returns to its initial state, untouched by the chaos of two lovers' determination.

In the brilliance of its ending, the universe begins anew.

Matter expands and accelerates. Time begins again, taking over the same pattern as before. This time, the universe sets something slightly different in motion, as if remembering the pain of being torn apart. Humanity dawns again, no less chaotic in its effects upon the universe as before, but this time -- a small change. 

If only wishes could take back what was done -- and for once, only once, a wish comes true. Perhaps the universe grants the wish to survive the power of love tested and tried. Perhaps it is a small act of mercy for two lovers who only wish to be together. Perhaps it is just a chance, a single change in an atom's life, leading to something new and different.

This time, a car turns left instead of right.

~*~

In another world, an astrophysicist holds onto a hand with a gold ring, smiling as his husband laughs at his whining. They need to leave soon for the party, but Viktor has been arguing against Yuuri's tie for ages, and Yuuri hasn't given in. He isn't mad about the tie, not really; it's the principle of the thing. He has standards -- and Yuuri meets every one of them, despite his awful taste in ties.

Outside their apartment, a car speeds down the road and turns left, and the universe seems to sigh in relief.

~*~

In another world, a poodle clock ticks away the afternoon in a sun-warmed house. On the couch in the living room are two men wrapped up in each other's arms, whispering softly. Minutes before, Viktor had picked up the car keys, and Yuuri had grabbed his hand, overwhelmed by fear that Viktor would leave him. Words said in anger were taken back, and an agreement was made, love breathed between apologies.

Two streets away, a car speeding down the road turns left, and the universe beats on, an old hurt soothed.

~*~

In another world, Yuuri and Viktor fall in love again.

Sometimes, Yuuri dreams of stars breaking apart in the sky. He never tells anybody about these dreams, but the awe and terror of a universe ending seep into his dancing and skating all the same. Sometimes he wants to design a new skate based around that feeling, but he never gets around to it, always distracted by other songs, other programs -- and Viktor.

Viktor, who is waving at him from the bottom step of Yuutopia.

"Yuuri, hurry up! We'll be late!"

"After _you_ spent fifteen minutes saying goodbye to Makkachin," Yuuri points out, sitting down on the step to tie his shoes. Viktor huffs and puts his hands on his hips. Today his jacket is missing, chased away by the warmth of summer, and Yuuri cannot allow himself to be distracted by strong forearms today.

Even if he cannot help but look, too.

"Makkachin and I had a very fond farewell this morning," Viktor sniffs, then frowns at him. "I think you should run today for your cheekiness. As your coach, I have to train you properly, even if you don't like it!"

"It's hot out," Yuuri whines, but he dutifully stands and joins Viktor outside. To his surprise, Viktor does not take the bike today, instead walking at Yuuri's side as they make their way out of Yuutopia into the streets of Hasetsu.

"I thought you were going to make me run," Yuuri teases. Viktor gives him a charming smile. Some passing emotion flashes across his expression, too quick for Yuuri to understand, but the glimpse echoes inside him, reminding him of dreams from long ago, of stars breaking apart and a kiss that ended with the universe. He wonders what Viktor dreams about.

"Just for today," Viktor says, winking as he reaches out to take Yuuri's hand. Yuuri cannot help but flush at the feeling, though he blames it firmly on the warmth from the sun shining pleasantly above. Even this early in the day, Yuuri cannot believe how hot it is. He looks forward to the cool air in the rink, no matter how hard Viktor decides to push him.

As they walk down the street hand-in-hand, everything seems a little brighter for a moment. Down the street, a car flies around the corner, turning left and disappearing into the distance. Between one shy glance and the next, too subtle for either Yuuri or Viktor to notice, the universe seems to echo with an old promise: _one more time._

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! (*´♡`*)


End file.
